I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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