no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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