I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
