Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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