can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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