D3 body, D1 cock
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
