strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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