You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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