I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
