If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
