I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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