Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
