SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
