Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
