I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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