That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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