we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
