So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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