I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
