She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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