went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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