i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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