Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
