You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
