Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
