It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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