all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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