So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
