no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
