this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Someone came in the potted fern
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
