Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
