i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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