she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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