Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
