yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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