She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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