hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
