Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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