Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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