Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
