the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
