apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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