Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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