My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
