So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
