Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
