i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
