Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
