I like my sex mixed with concussions.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
