been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
