the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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