i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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