Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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