just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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