Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
