This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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