in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
