Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
