if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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