do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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