ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
