I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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