she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
