I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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