I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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