I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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