At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
