So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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