Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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