dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
